Today is random act of kindness day and it seems like it’s come at an important time.
Accusing people of being unkind can also wreak havoc into their lives. It’s not just about people being trolls…..
I think most of the UK was shocked to hear about Caroline Flack the TV presenter’s death this weekend.
I for one felt really saddened by it.
There is a lot of talk out there pointing blame and different people, lack of support and the online abuse she got in recent months due to something she had been accused of. Everyone thought she had done something ‘unkind’ So therefore she got grief for that! But then those doing that? They were being unkind too. Vicious circle!
‘Innocent till proven Guilty’ used to be a phrase that was used a-lot.
However now it seems if someone says someone has done something, then no one seems to want to hear the other side.
I always say there are always 3 sides to every story…..her side, his side and the truth.
When there are different sides to a story. I think it’s important to remember, this is not necessarily a lie or a twist on the truth.
It’s that person’s experience of that situation. That’s the story you hear.
I was accused of being unkind recently. And honestly, it knocked me. I felt sick, couldn’t sleep, and yea I had a really bad fuckin week!
I kept replaying the situation over and over in my head, because I didn’t understand how I had been blamed for someone else’s upset.
I started to question my own morals, my own beliefs. Question who I am, what I’m doing and who my friends actually are.
I’m not going to lie, it took me to a place I haven’t been for a while and I certainly don’t want to go back there!
I started to talk negatively about myself, telling myself no one liked me. Started to plan to make drastic changes in my life which I was considering all because of this negative talk in my head.
Then after a conversation with a friend, I get to hear ‘the other side of the story’ and I realise that. No I wasn’t being unkind, I wasn’t any of the things I was picturing or hearing was being said about me.
Unfortunately I was being made to feel like this, because of someone else’s insecurities, nothing I had actually done had been unkind. It was this person’s personal experience of this situation which made them blame me for something they already felt, the doubts they had already in their own head before I even came along.
What I’m saying is. To be kind is to always remember there are 3 sides to a story, and your own opinion of what is right – isn’t always what the other person will do. This doesn’t mean they are unkind, it means you don’t know what’s going on in their life, for them to react/treat you like that.
I was being made to feel like I was unkind….which in return made me feel bad, so who was the person really being made to feel bad?
neither of us should have felt bad. I wouldn’t have wanted to make someone to feel like that, as I’m sure it wasn’t their intention to make me feel like that.
The best way to be kind is. If it doesn’t involve you directly. Just stay out of it, don’t voice an opinion on what you think they should or shouldn’t do or have done.
Just ask yourself ‘does what I’m about to say have anything to do with me?’
If the answer is no.
Don’t say it.
Because you don’t know what anyone else is going through, and you don’t know their ’story’
Honestly. If I see or hear of someone doing something mean depending what it is. The first thing I think is ‘I wonder what is going on in their life right now for them to react like that’
I try my best to not jump to conclusions that they are nasty etc.
I try to remember I don’t know their story.
Obviously. Those trolls out there who put awful awful comments, or create ’memes’ about other people are not in this category. They come under the ‘don’t be a dick’ one and should, in my opinion, instead of arguing with them or giving them ‘air time’ is ignore them.
A narcissist’s biggest fear is being ignored or not being noticed……
So I believe to be kind has many factors:
It’s to not jump to conclusions about someone’s situation
It’s to understand there is always 3 sides to a story
It’s to keep your god damn nose out of it if it doesn’t involve you directly.
It’s to not voice your opinion un onto necessarily someone.
It’s to THINK before you open your mouth.
It’s to think BEFORE YOU TYPE. Would I say this to someone’s face? No? DON’T TYPE IT THEN.
And of course. Another way to ‘be kind’ is to smile at strangers, hold doors, be patient.
And before something makes you angry (like being stuck in a long queue) think to yourself ‘you know what, no one else wants to be in this queue, the cashier would rather there wasn’t one…..it is what it is so why get angry about it? We all have somewhere to be’
Today is ‘Random Act of kindness day’ But I believe we should be like this EVERY day
I hope today and every day you are treated with the respect, love and kindness you put out there. And what you deserve.
We are all here, living our own lives on this planet. And together we can make it a better place for each other.
RIP Caroline a truly heartbreaking ending for your wonderful life x x