So it’s week 5 of lockdown….or is it week 6?
Everyone is spending their days ‘waiting’ for ‘normality’ to resume.
Believing that ‘when we are back to normal’ everything will be ok……
Setting a goal of ‘when lockdowns over I will…….’
Why do I think goals are a problem?
Goals are great, they are what motivate us and keep us moving forward at times.
However, some times goals can be so far ahead, all we can see is the water in-between the two lands and spend our days wondering how we will cross it. It can make us feel like they are almost unachievable.
We change our focus to the future, and this is what brings anxiety. We constantly remind ourselves how far away we are from our goals, in the end we lose motivation and everything comes to a halt!
So then we set a new goal, a new deadline, and the process starts again.
So how can you approach goal setting in a way that HELPS you?
Before you set a goal, decide what your core values are, decide what is the most important thing to you in your life.
What’s REALLY important, what matters the most?
WRITE IT DOWN.
Now write down your goal.
You may need to keep writing it down, what REALLY TRUELY do you want?
“But Vic what do you mean?”
Ok lets pick a goal…. “Weight loss”
But it’s not weight loss? No one REALLY wants that.
(Yes they do!) No they don’t read on……
My goal is….
Weight loss.. “Why?”
Because it will make me feel better… “WHY?”
Because my jeans feel too tight and I want them to fit…. “WHY??”
Because if my jeans fit I will feel better when I go out….”WHY???”
Because I will feel more confident and not worry about how I look? “But WHY is that important?”
Because if I’m not worried about how I look and I feel confident, I’ll feel happier, I’ll not be worried about what other people think and I can relax
That right there is very powerful stuff.
It’s not weight loss you are chasing.
It’s happiness, its confidence its NOT CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
And in a NUT shell do you know what all that is?? What that person REALLY was saying.
She was saying:
BECAUSE I WANT TO LOVE & ACCEPT MYSELF.
Believing that you will like yourself vastly more when you get to a certain landmark/goal. Is a myth.
You can spend hours a day pushing towards a goal, and when you get there you will feel AMAZING, and you will be proud of yourself.
But the next day you will still wake up and be the same person you were before.
Nothings changed, you are the same person. And you find a new goal to focus on believing THAT will change you, you will somehow feel better when you get to THAT place.
Lockdown is leaving some people feeling overwhelmed. Like they should be achieving or doing something, setting huge goals and smashing them.
Learning new hobby, doing online courses. Now some people will do that, and that’s great.
But for most, its about waking up most days and wasting the days away so by 5pm you can’t really show what you have done with yourself.
Now this blog isn’t to make you all think you don’t need to set goals, of course you do. But the purpose of the goal shouldn’t be ‘when I can fit in THOSE jeans – I’ll be happy’
Happiness is a journey – not a destination.
How do you start to be happy? Decide TODAY you want to be happy.
Focus on what you HAVE, focus on what you CAN do to get you where you want to be.
If you still think ‘weight loss’ is your goal, well, set a small achievable target. But make the priority.
TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF.
Because when all is said and done, you won’t be on your death bed wishing your jeans fitted in your 30’s
You will wish you had loved and accepted yourself just the way you are. So you could have got on with your life, and got on with what’s important to you.
Your core values.
Which at a guess, are to love, be loved.
Because when all is said and done, that’s truly all anyone wants.
They just have to dig deep to find it and realise it 🙂
And Love and Accept Yourself.
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